Santa? Or Chupacabra In A Red Suit?


It’s that time of year again.

Time to be good for Santa because if you’re not good, Santa will break into your house and take you… away.. from your family??? Well, if you’re my client, that’s what you believed because THAT’S what your fucked up dad told you when you were growing up. Yes, Virginia, Santa is a child-stealing psychopath who does not, despite the rumors, bring presents, but instead bodily removes, like a mixture between The Incredible Hulk and Child Protective Services, bad children from their homes.

And this little story illustrates why, as a bookkeeper, you should always attend your clients’ Christmas parties. Allow me to illustrate with a simple mathematical equation:

alcohol + childhood trauma – inhibitions around bookkeeper = ammunition

Months later, when they have failed to turn in their expense reports, or they’ve crumpled up their receipts into unreadable balls, you can tell them that if they don’t straighten out, Santa might come down off the roof and stuff them into a bag. Whatever it takes, right?

Oh, It’s also time to bake cookies!

Millions and millions of cookies!


Okay, maybe just hundreds. But, still! When was the last time I had TWENTY FIVE POUNDS of FLOUR in my house?