She REALLY wants to live here….

Hi There,

I got your mail. Thanks for geting back to me so quick and I am extremely interested in ur room since you said you are not expecting it to be too long and i don’t want you to rent it out to any other person…… I will inform company client I worked in the states for before I quit to arrnage for my last payment to you so that you can deduct the payment of the room out of it. You seem to be a very good and nice person. I want you to know that i’m a very straight forward and honest person. I contacted the person who i worked for when i was in the states. The man is owing me and he is ready to pay me with acheck. I will be paying ahead my arrival for a month, which is very important and that will secure the Place for me, and as soon as I arrive others important things will be taken care of before moving in the Place. I want you t o know that the first month payment will be made in full via Certified Bank Cashier’s Check or Money Order and that will stand as commitment ahead my arrival. So i will inform him to issue out the check to you, so that the check can stand as the payment of the room. All you got to do now is to send me your full name name, contact address and phone number so that i can forward it to my client who will issue the check out to you… As soon as i get these info i requested for, i will forward them to my client immediately. As soon as you recieve the check you will deduct the frist month out of it you will now help me forward the remaning balance to my traveling manager so that i can use it to book for my flight back to the states. I just want to make sure i get the room before i get back to the state.. I will like stay there for a year even more that till when i will have my own personal place but I will prefer month to month lease.
More About me: ABOUT ME:
Name: Rose Michaels
E yes: Black
Age: 26yrs
Height: 5′ 6′ (167cm)
Weight: 122 pounds (55.0 kg)
Body Style: Athletic/Fit Activity
Level: Active
Smoking: No
Drinking: Socially
Marital Status: Single
Children: I have no kids
Sign: Virgo
Languages I speak: English & Spanish
Ethnicity: Spanish
Education: MCSA/MCSE
Occupation: Fashion Designer
My favorites are;
My favorite cuisines: Barbecue, Chinese/Dim Sum, Deli, Eastern-European, Fast Food/Pizza, French, Greek,Indian, Italian, Japanese/Sushi, Mexican, Seafood,
Soul Food, Thai, Vietnamese
My favorite music: Dance/Electronica, Disco, Easy Listening, Pop/Top 40, Rap/Hip Hop, Soul/R&B and Soundtracks.
My favorite physical activities: Basketball, Working Out, Dancing, Swiming and Hiking/Walking I love travelling, sporting and enjoy meeting people. I don’t smoke or drink but i do not mind people who do being around me. Am cool headed and easy go ing person with no criminal record and i like to have a roommmate or neighabour who is very responsible and understanding,someone i can really get a long. As soon as you get this mail pls get back to me with the info i requested for so that every thing can be done fast. Take care and I will be looking forward to hear from you soon.

Thanks and have a good time..
Warmest Regards,

My response:

Dear Rose,
I’m going to do away with the niceties and cut right to the chase. The rooms are all but yours. You won me over with a single line in your response: Your body type. Now, I know most landlords wouldn’t care about this sort of thing (and I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to sell someone housing based on their physical fitness) but, well, it’s important to me. You see, Rose, I need your body. I can’t afford to rent to just any fat ass. No, Rose. What I need in my house is a lean mean muscle machine… what we in America call “a hard body”. Can you be a hard body for me, Rose? I’ll tell you why this is so important, Rose. It’s the yard. The yard is a shambles. It needs a LOT of work. Work that only those possessing the body type “athletic/fit activity” are going to be able to handle.

You see, Rose, when we moved into this place, we had high hopes of making that yard the new Garden of Eden. We were going to prune the fruit trees and tame the lawn and really get those vegetable patches producing. But, you know how it goes, Rose. Sometimes life just gets in the way. And sometimes you have less time for big projects than you thought. So, I need to have my yard maintained, Rose, and it’s going to be the responsibility of the renter to keep it looking good. I wouldn’t want the (racist) neighbors to get any ideas about letting their lawns go because mine has gone to seed! Anyway, Rose, this yard, it needs help. It needs your athleticism and it needs it now.

Do you have experience pushing a lawnmower, Rose? The kind that neither plugs in nor uses gas? Because we only have the old fashioned kind. And the yard is nearly a quarter of an acre. On a slope. So, every two weeks, Rose, you’re going to have to put on your Wellies and get out there and mow. It should only take about half the day. That will leave you the other half of the day for the other yard work. There are the rose bushes that need pruning, the ornamentals that will need thinning, the blackberries that will need trimming… and that’s just the front yard! Oh, I almost forgot! I hope you’re not afraid of coyotes, rats, rabbits, or raccoons, Rose. Your ability to run a mile without getting winded will really come in handy when you encounter our charming neighborhood friend, “Bandit”, going through the compost pile!

Anywho, Rose, I’m sure your company client’s accounting department is familiar with the procedure for illegal Internet scams, so you just have them wire me one million US dollars right away. That will cover your first week. Once you’ve learned to operate the WeedWacker, we can lower the rent to something more reasonable… say, something in the hundreds of thousands.

Your Pal With A Green Thumb (in your eye),